TMD

My dad was diagnosed with kidney failure about six months after my mom died. I believe it was in September about a week after my father-in-law had passed away. When he called to tell me I remember seriously asking him, "Are you joking!?!" as it was so surprising, and it felt as if we were losing our parents way too quickly (and often!). He wanted it kept quiet and so to respect his wishes I haven't posted a word about it on here. My dad went about living his life just as he wanted to--even serving another mission.  The reports we continued to get were that the doctors were very surprised at how well he was doing and how much energy he had (with his low and dropping numbers).  It was such a blessing that his life was extended as long as it was. The weekend before Christmas is when he really started not feeling very well and he became increasingly tired.  I scheduled a trip out to visit, but things progressed much faster than anyone expected. I have joked that Dad wasn't the most patient person :) and although I'm sure he would have liked to see me again, I also would venture that he had zero interest in any of us (kids) crying at his bedside in his final days. I'm sure it's been very frustrating for him the last few months to not have the energy to be about doing and serving as he loved.  

My dad passed away around 5pm on Tuesday, January 6th. When Helen called to tell me, she said that he looked up at the corner of the room as if someone was coming to take him away, took one more breath and was gone.  

Although it gives me some level of comfort to think of my parents together again, I'd certainly rather them both still be here (obviously). It's really a lot to try to digest and doesn't quite seem real. Emotionally, losing my dad has been much more internal for me and I've dealt with it more privately than when I lost my mom. Knowing my dad was sick would really hit me at certain times during the past couple of years--  it's pretty horrible anticipating when someone you love may pass away; always wondering how much time you have left. It was such a life-changing event to be with my mom during the last month of her life and to be at her bed when she passed away. Although I would have loved to see my dad again, I feel at peace knowing that nothing was left unsaid and I know he knows how much I love him. 

A favorite photo of mine after a college performance my dad drove out to see me in.

The night that Dad passed we quickly began making plans and decided to have the burial in Franklin, Idaho that Saturday, and the memorial service the following Monday. Since I already had a flight booked for early Friday morning (to visit him), Rob and I decided that I would keep that flight to get there a little sooner and Rob would drive up to Utah with the kids that day. Little did we know that this plan would lead to a great deal of stress, and a complete meltdown for me! Rob and I left our home for the Mesa airport at 4:30am, having gotten very little sleep the night before (I had not been sleeping well that entire week before, worrying about my dad). My flight was fairly on-time, but once we arrived in Provo we circled the Provo airport for over 45 minutes due to fog. I wasn't too worried at first but as they kept making announcements I began to stress and started praying for a miracle. They then announced that we were going to fly into Ogden, but then almost immediately changed course and announced that we were returning to Mesa! This was so distressing to me that I couldn't help but burst into tears and seriously could not stop crying for the rest of the flight.  I was a complete mess! I felt so bad for the man sitting next to me (I also spilled my ice water on him, poor guy). I had no way to make contact with Rob and was thinking that he would already be to Flagstaff by the time I landed in Mesa! I was ultimately concerned with how I was going to make it to Utah in time and knew for sure that I needed to get there that day (they canceled our flight until Saturday morning!). Luckily, Rob got a late start, and had only driven about an hour before turning around to come back and pick me up. We ended up arriving in American Fork by about 10:30pm. It had been an emotional and exhausting day, but I was so thankful to be with my husband and kids and to know that we would make it in time for the burial the next day.

On Saturday (the 10th), my sister and brothers and I arrived at the funeral home by 8:00am and had some time to see our dad before the others arrived. Although it probably sounds odd to describe someone as "looking good" after they have passed, he really did (although very thin). Rob and I were discussing (on our drive up to Franklin) how different the body looks without the spirit. I think it really is a testimony to our Heavenly Father's plan, and that this earth life is just one small portion of our eternal existence. 

I have made the comment to several people that I always seem to visit the Franklin Cemetery in the dead of winter.  Every burial I have attended there has been in the cold winter months. That Saturday was no exception--a very foggy, cold, and frosty day. The weather did seem fitting and I am reminded of Elder Joseph B. Worthlin's talk called "Sunday Will Come" as we can all look forward to the rebirth of spring (the Resurrection). 

One highlight of the day was meeting my great-niece for the first time! Little Aura Belle, named after my Grandpa, Aura Hatch. Here is a photo of my niece Melanie introducing Aura Belle to my Aunt Pat:

Melanie and Aura Belle by her namesake's grave:

The headstone for my parents was unfortunately dirty (and kind of difficult to get to).  My cousin Jackie and her husband Mark were sweet to bring several bouquets of flowers to put on all the graves of our family buried there. My mom loved spring flowers, and my Dad's favorite color was red (even though he was a huge BYU fan).

The flowers really were a beautiful contrast in the fog:

A rare photo with all my siblings and our spouses:

It was a busy week (and weekend) making arrangements of planning the service, writing the obituary, and putting together a video of photos of my dad's life. As I was going through a few albums I came across this gem that is so my dad: Fixing something out in the garage at our Prospect house. I love that he is wearing his green stained shoes (only worn to mow the lawn).

On Sunday afternoon we started the big task of going through my dad's things. We set out all of my dad's hats and ties and let everyone choose something to keep. He really liked hats (and jackets):

All of the grandchildren (except Alex, who is on a mission) modeling some of their choices:

I felt that the service on Monday went well. I was blessed (and certainly had help from above) to completely keep it together emotionally and sing a duet with Rob ("Jesus the Very Thought of Thee") as well as speak.  With all the events of the weekend, I really felt that both our parents would have been "well pleased" with how everything was handled and I'm sure they could feel how much we (their children) love and appreciate them.

Link to my Dad's video (I hope this works!)

The obituary:

Thomas M Dunning 1935-2015

Thomas M Dunning, beloved husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, brother and friend, died at his home in American Fork, Utah on Tuesday, January 6, 2015, due to complications from renal failure, at the age of 79.

Tom was born November 6, 1935 in Sacramento, CA and was adopted two days later by Jack G and Helen Falck Dunning. He grew up in Marysville, CA and graduated from Marysville High School in 1955. He served an LDS mission to Texas and Louisiana, served in the US Army (1958-1964), and received his Bachelor's Degree in 1963 from Brigham Young University. He married Maryana Hatch Dunning in the Salt Lake City LDS temple in 1965, and returned to school to receive a master's degree from BYU in 1969, and his Ph D in Recreation Resources Administration from Colorado State University in 1979. Tom and Maryana settled in Fort Collins, CO where they lived for 32 years and raised their four children. Tom worked for Colorado State University from 1970-2001 and was a director of conference housing. Tom and Maryana moved to American Fork, Utah after retirement and served three LDS missions to Guam Micronesia, South Africa Cape Town, and Texas Houston South. They also fulfilled service missions in the Translation Department and in Humanitarian Services. In their 47 years of marriage, Tom and Maryana exhibited service to the fullest, and their influence for good has been felt throughout the world and has blessed the lives of others. After Maryana's passing, Tom married Helen Farnsworth Sharp in 2012. Together they served in the New Jersey Morristown Mission. In addition to church and community service, Tom was very dedicated to the Boy Scouts of America and served several times as a scoutmaster, as well as a district committee member, and as a Wood Badge training committee member. He was a very devoted friend and neighbor, and delighted in helping and befriending anyone he came in contact with. He was a hard-working, faithful man who made service to God and others his top priority.

Tom is survived by his beloved wife, Helen; his children, Mindy (David Linton), Sequim, WA; Mark (Katherine), Littleton, CO; Todd (Tracey), Clovis, CA; Tamsen (Rob Peterson), Chandler, AZ; Helen's four children and their families; 16 grandchildren aged 26 to 5 years (with one on the way); one great-grandchild (with one on the way); and his sister, Sandra Noel.  He was predeceased in death by his wife, Maryana, and his parents. 

Memorial services will be held at 11 am on Monday, January 12, at the LDS chapel, 396 North 1100 East, in American Fork, Utah.  Interment at the Franklin Cemetery in Franklin, Idaho. In lieu of flowers, please consider making a donation to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints General Missionary Fund.

I can't adequately express all of the things I have felt over the past month, and my gratitude for such a wonderful father (and mother). I will treasure this photo that was taken (in May 2014) when my dad was here in Arizona for Burke's priesthood ordination. I want to share something here that I shared in my talk at the memorial: When we were visiting my dad in July, I was really struggling as I suspected I was pregnant, could see that my dad's health was declining, and I was really missing my mom. Everyone else was outside, and I went in my dad's room and snuggled up next to him on the bed as he was watching the 4th of July fireworks on TV. I don't think he had any idea how emotional I was feeling. Sort of randomly (maybe he sensed how vulnerable and scared I was feeling) my dad offered some advice that I will always treasure: "Love your children, love your husband, live the gospel, and nothing else really matters."

I LOVE YOU, DAD!!! 
 "See ya, bye."